We were talking over dinner the other night with friends about popular culture. It seems like people are non-committal on events and will wait until the last minute to decide anything. That way, if something better comes up, they can change their mind. I think its always been the case, but it is right in the front of my face today.
Case in point: Last Summer, I had planned and announced for 3 months that I was going to have a Summer picnic for my yogis. But when the time came, it was me and another teacher who showed up. Especially during Summer, if better friends have a better party, then nobody has to hang out with your lame, boring self (haha!). So bottom line, that won’t be happening again.
Case in point #2: I didn’t think I had a number 2, but I did. I teach a Glow Yoga Party every Fall and Spring. When I first started, it was usually sold out weeks before the event. But since then its started to dwindle. This Fall, I had 7 people signed up the week of the event. I had tried to cancel the event, but was convinced to still do it (with promises given about it). To be honest, I have a lot of the gear to handle the event, gear that I purchased and keep on my own. But it could technically be a part of the cost of hosting such an event. I also have to buy bodypaint, balloons, glow bracelets, fluorescent tape, and Facebook ads for marketing. While not super expensive, it still adds up. And, I have someone help me, so I end up splitting the earnings in half after expenses. So, while I had a good number show up, it still wasn’t full. And now I’m convinced it isn’t worth it anymore. People don’t commit anymore. They wait for something better. You can’t hold events like that or you’ll get burned.
I think I’m a different kind of person. For one, I’m a good friend. If someone is hosting something and I can be there, I usually commit to going. And if its held at, say, 7pm, I’m there at 7pm. Not 9pm. I know what its like to be a host and everyone shows up an hour late. I guess I’m not the party-goer, fashionably late kind of person. A good friend doesn’t do that to a good friend.
Secondly, I’m very calendar oriented. I usually don’t remember what’s on my calendar since I keep a very detailed one and know I can always go to it. But I mark everything on my calendar. And its shared with my wife. We are both like that. So when someone has an event, I mark it on my calendar. Once its there, its like its written in stone. I don’t waver and hem and haw about what I want in life. I’ve committed and that’s it. I’m loyal that way. Other people are like, oh I didn’t realize I had other plans that night. Don’t you have a calendar? What they really mean is, something better came up. But they can’t say that to you because they know how weaselly that is.
I’m getting grouchy in my old age. Pretty soon, I won’t be inviting people to events. It will be all impromptu. And it will only be with people who I trust as real friends. And I probably shouldn’t be so firm in my commitments anymore. I should probably just bail on people like they do me. But that’s not who I am. I couldn’t be as spineless as that. I need to be who I am. I’m a solid person and a good friend. And I know I’ll still have events and invite people to stuff. I can’t help it. And if I get my heart stomped on, then I’ll just go through this wave of emotions all over again.
If you don’t put your heart out there and give love, then its hard to receive love back. Don’t expect love back. But if it happens, then embrace it. And appreciate it.