Don’t Poke the Bear!


There is an Oklahoma University running back who got in trouble a few years ago for punching a girl. Let me begin by saying, I’m as chivalrous of a man as they come. I would never think of hitting a woman, nor would I want to be hit by one. I don’t condone that (well, unless she’s a tough lady who needs sparring partners in an MMA or boxing gym). But if you weigh like 115 pounds and you start slapping someone who is a very strong 225 pounds, well, that might sting a little.

I used to ride around with a little ball of fire who I worked with in the corn fields during grad school. She was like 5 foot if she was lucky and super petite. Yet, she had a mouth on her and didn’t take any gruff from anyone. She was also a very aggressive driver. She’d honk and yell at people and ride their bumpers. I told her to be careful because she may not know who or what kind of person she is up against. I also didn’t want to be the guy who ends up trying to defend her because I’m not exactly huge myself. I really hope for her sake that she didn’t poke at a big bear somewhere down the road.

One time, I was a kid riding around downtown Kansas City with my family. We were on a big overpass completely stopped in traffic. There was a big semi-truck right in front of us. Well, this portly little guy in a white t-shirt that was too small for him steps out of his little car in front of the big truck and starts yelling at the truck driver. Then his little wife gets out too and starts screaming. They went on for like 5 minutes without any reaction. He must have said some trigger word, because he poked the bear. This huge beast of a man in boots calmly steps out of the truck, lays his black cowboy hat on his seat, and shuts his door. In just a few seconds, that fat little guy with a big mouth had his t-shirt pulled over his head and his white t-shirt is now red from all the blood. His wife is trying to get him back up from the ground. The manly man opens his door, puts his hat back on, and sits down. I don’t think that little guy calculated the consequences of his actions very well.

Maybe you only see bears as these cute, cuddly beasts. I appreciate your naiveté. These people who let their little ones wander into the lions den at the zoo have learned the hard way. Bears can run as fast as a horse for short distances; they can climb trees; they have tendon attachments that make them super strong; they can swim very well; they eat anything from salmon to berries to stupid humans sleeping with a Snickers bar in their pocket; and they can smell blood for miles. You can shoot a .357 full metal jacket directly at its skull and it just might glance off and keep on coming. You can run, but you can’t hide. Take a look at Navy Seal or Army Ranger training some day. Maybe you’ll find out what I’m talking about. Go ahead and poke.

If some little Iranian boats are sputtering around a huge U.S. Navy Destroyer, I’d be careful. The rules of engagement have changed. Red lines drawn in the sand; well, don’t bother stepping across nowadays. We’ve grown some backbone since our paper tiger jabs in Syria. Killing our soldiers and police officers; nope, not a good idea. And quiet guys and gals in the shadows might not sit on their hands anymore. Its time we take our country back. Nobody is threatening anyone. But loud talkers have been stirring this pot about 30 minutes too long. Journalists used to get away with whatever they wanted to say. Now they are being called on it. Little people wearing pink carrying signs are nothing against a wall of grain fed beef. I suppose some will do it anyway if they’ve never felt what its like to be in a street fight. Take this one morsel of advice, don’t go poking at bears if you don’t know what you’re up against. I sure wouldn’t.

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